From TRIZ to Surrogacy: How Lyaila Uzakova Solved Her Quest for Motherhood
Lyaila's (CELA'14, Kazakhstan) path to becoming a mother for the second time was far from straightforward, yet her systematic approach and creative problem-solving skills ultimately led her there. Even in childhood, Lyaila dreamed of being an archaeologist – drawn to solving mysteries methodically. This affinity for inventive solutions shined through her professional endeavors, like implementing the creative problem-solving methodology TRIZ to transform operations at a law firm where she was a managing partner. So when Lyaila and her husband encountered fertility challenges starting a family, she tapped into these systematic and ingenious capacities. Their journey involved immense research, discipline, and perseverance through seven grueling egg retrieval attempts before finally deciding surrogacy was the solution. For Lyaila, surrogacy represented her innovative thinking honed through her work and interests. Her story conveys how sometimes circuits must be taken and creative paths forged to arrive at life's most profound destinations.
"Max showed me what a healthy relationship looks like - respectful, loving, supportive. Children should be brought into that kind of partnership, not when things are strained or troubled. Here, you truly feel like you have everything - experience, money, an amazing partner to raise another global citizen who is sane and well-adjusted.".
Lyaila Uzakova,
CELA'14, Kazakhstan
CELA'14, Kazakhstan
Lyaila, what challenges did you and your husband encounter in the surrogacy journey?
It is best to separate this process into three stages: before, during, and after our daughter Theia was born. So, let's begin with the 'before.' When you realize that you want to have a child with your partner but cannot due to health complications, you try - suffering repeated miscarriages and stillbirths - unable to understand why this keeps occurring. It took considerable time to realize that it was due to my pituitary adenoma causing a severe hormonal imbalance, rendering conception impossible.
Max [a husband] and I are structured and systematic, though less emotional than most. We have a nightly tradition of sitting together and recounting the difficulties we faced that day and our achievements. We make a point of learning something new daily and sharing it with the other in the evening - he more on physics, mathematics, and technical things; I on history and literature. Here, we had a new topic and challenge - researching options for having a child. As always, we would sit down and methodically look at solutions if confronted with a problem. We split responsibilities - he was studying adoption, and I was studying in vitro fertilization clinics. Ultimately, we decided to have our child.
Initially, we wanted me to undergo IVF but realized my issues with miscarriage meant finding a surrogate was necessary, though first, we'd need to harvest my eggs. So everything progressed in stages over seven years. Researching and choosing a clinic took 3-4 months.
What did you hear from people while researching this and looking for a clinic?
Some doctors said children born from surrogates have no soul. There were also various religious objections - that it's a grave sin - from Christianity, Islam, and every faith we encountered intense negativity toward surrogate children. Of course, these were not reproductive doctors but other medical professionals.
What happened next?
We decided to proceed to a clinic in Almaty and found a suitable one, where we got two embryos from seven retrieval attempts - five of them were in a natural cycle - single egg retrievals without anesthesia and two under hormonal stimulation with anesthesia. Those without anesthesia were ten excruciating minutes of endless pain, and everytime I nearly lost consciousness. Doctors don't recommend anesthesia for natural cycles, and we hesitated to do anything extra with my migraines. I went au naturel as my prolactin levels were very high due to the adenoma.
The biggest challenge for me throughout was the physical health aspect. I had no mental issues and didn't care what anyone said or thought. But the memories of that intense pain meant it took two years before I could resume the process. I stopped everything and got my body healthy - diet, sleep, exercise. I found an excellent endocrinologist, lost weight, the edema disappeared, and in 2018 we resumed.
On the fourth try with a surrogate, we finally had success.
It is best to separate this process into three stages: before, during, and after our daughter Theia was born. So, let's begin with the 'before.' When you realize that you want to have a child with your partner but cannot due to health complications, you try - suffering repeated miscarriages and stillbirths - unable to understand why this keeps occurring. It took considerable time to realize that it was due to my pituitary adenoma causing a severe hormonal imbalance, rendering conception impossible.
Max [a husband] and I are structured and systematic, though less emotional than most. We have a nightly tradition of sitting together and recounting the difficulties we faced that day and our achievements. We make a point of learning something new daily and sharing it with the other in the evening - he more on physics, mathematics, and technical things; I on history and literature. Here, we had a new topic and challenge - researching options for having a child. As always, we would sit down and methodically look at solutions if confronted with a problem. We split responsibilities - he was studying adoption, and I was studying in vitro fertilization clinics. Ultimately, we decided to have our child.
Initially, we wanted me to undergo IVF but realized my issues with miscarriage meant finding a surrogate was necessary, though first, we'd need to harvest my eggs. So everything progressed in stages over seven years. Researching and choosing a clinic took 3-4 months.
What did you hear from people while researching this and looking for a clinic?
Some doctors said children born from surrogates have no soul. There were also various religious objections - that it's a grave sin - from Christianity, Islam, and every faith we encountered intense negativity toward surrogate children. Of course, these were not reproductive doctors but other medical professionals.
What happened next?
We decided to proceed to a clinic in Almaty and found a suitable one, where we got two embryos from seven retrieval attempts - five of them were in a natural cycle - single egg retrievals without anesthesia and two under hormonal stimulation with anesthesia. Those without anesthesia were ten excruciating minutes of endless pain, and everytime I nearly lost consciousness. Doctors don't recommend anesthesia for natural cycles, and we hesitated to do anything extra with my migraines. I went au naturel as my prolactin levels were very high due to the adenoma.
The biggest challenge for me throughout was the physical health aspect. I had no mental issues and didn't care what anyone said or thought. But the memories of that intense pain meant it took two years before I could resume the process. I stopped everything and got my body healthy - diet, sleep, exercise. I found an excellent endocrinologist, lost weight, the edema disappeared, and in 2018 we resumed.
On the fourth try with a surrogate, we finally had success.
What was it psychologically like when it wasn't working - did you feel like giving up?
No, I didn't struggle with that, thanks to Max telling me from the outset that no matter what, we'd always be together, with or without a child. I didn't have that "all or nothing" mindset many experience, probably because I already have an older daughter from my previous marriage.
I just thought Max is incredible; he'd make a fantastic father, and it would be great for us to have a child together. If it doesn't happen, we keep trying. We had so many eggs and embryos - you just persist. The main difficulty was finding a suitable surrogate each time. That's a challenging process, but our doctor and agency were accommodating.
So, there's an agency that offers profiles of potential surrogates?
Yes. We chose an agency that provides profiles of potential surrogates. In Kazakhstan, she must be married with children already.
Did you connect and interact with the surrogate during the process?
Not at all. The agency handled everything. We only met at the birth, and she was lovely, as all the doctors said. So that first and only time was when I saw her.
Did you intentionally choose not to meet her?
No, it is simply that we were in Astana, and she was in Almaty, so it was more difficult. But otherwise, no, we should have communicated; I would have interacted easily. However, it was convenient because the agency assisted her in attending medical appointments and sent us all the reports.
After the surrogate delivers, is she involved in breastfeeding the baby?
There are different ways to handle that. Ideally, one doesn't nurse, but pumps, and you can collect the milk. But she has her own kids, so expecting her to also manage pumping and milk supplies may have been asking too much. Our reproductive doctor and agency advised formula from the start. Formula today is good quality. Of course, WHO recommends breastfeeding, and I researched it thoroughly. We have milk donors, but they're unscreened, and there is always a risk of infection. The doctors said, why risk it? So despite more colic, the formula was best.
No, I didn't struggle with that, thanks to Max telling me from the outset that no matter what, we'd always be together, with or without a child. I didn't have that "all or nothing" mindset many experience, probably because I already have an older daughter from my previous marriage.
I just thought Max is incredible; he'd make a fantastic father, and it would be great for us to have a child together. If it doesn't happen, we keep trying. We had so many eggs and embryos - you just persist. The main difficulty was finding a suitable surrogate each time. That's a challenging process, but our doctor and agency were accommodating.
So, there's an agency that offers profiles of potential surrogates?
Yes. We chose an agency that provides profiles of potential surrogates. In Kazakhstan, she must be married with children already.
Did you connect and interact with the surrogate during the process?
Not at all. The agency handled everything. We only met at the birth, and she was lovely, as all the doctors said. So that first and only time was when I saw her.
Did you intentionally choose not to meet her?
No, it is simply that we were in Astana, and she was in Almaty, so it was more difficult. But otherwise, no, we should have communicated; I would have interacted easily. However, it was convenient because the agency assisted her in attending medical appointments and sent us all the reports.
After the surrogate delivers, is she involved in breastfeeding the baby?
There are different ways to handle that. Ideally, one doesn't nurse, but pumps, and you can collect the milk. But she has her own kids, so expecting her to also manage pumping and milk supplies may have been asking too much. Our reproductive doctor and agency advised formula from the start. Formula today is good quality. Of course, WHO recommends breastfeeding, and I researched it thoroughly. We have milk donors, but they're unscreened, and there is always a risk of infection. The doctors said, why risk it? So despite more colic, the formula was best.
Let's move on to the third stage.
The third stage - Theia was born on April 13, 2023. Usually, questions arise about emotional bonding and who the baby goes to first after birth with surrogacy. She was placed on me. Of course, it feels different than birthing yourself - lacking the hormonal state since you didn't carry for nine months. But that also means the baby is calmer. She was so peaceful in the hospital, sleeping well and eating fine, responding well because I was tranquil and not an emotional mess like after delivering my first daughter.
You still have that maternal anxiety where you wake up constantly at first. I initially fed Theia every two hours, so I wasn't sleeping well. After we found a nanny, I got more rest, but you still have that motherly concern - glancing at the baby monitor to ensure everything's alright.
Reflecting on this journey, how has your perspective on the essence of family evolved?
Not too dramatically. Max impacted me more; our relationship changed me for the better. I became more peaceful. Before, I never had a healthy relationship, not once in my life. When you lack that experience, you need to comprehend what normal is. You constantly feel something is wrong with you and work on fixing yourself when the issue isn't you at all.
Max showed me what a healthy relationship looks like - respectful, loving, supportive. Children should be brought into that kind of partnership, not when things are strained or troubled. Here, you truly feel like you have everything - experience, money, and an amazing partner to raise another global citizen who is sane and well-adjusted.
The third stage - Theia was born on April 13, 2023. Usually, questions arise about emotional bonding and who the baby goes to first after birth with surrogacy. She was placed on me. Of course, it feels different than birthing yourself - lacking the hormonal state since you didn't carry for nine months. But that also means the baby is calmer. She was so peaceful in the hospital, sleeping well and eating fine, responding well because I was tranquil and not an emotional mess like after delivering my first daughter.
You still have that maternal anxiety where you wake up constantly at first. I initially fed Theia every two hours, so I wasn't sleeping well. After we found a nanny, I got more rest, but you still have that motherly concern - glancing at the baby monitor to ensure everything's alright.
Reflecting on this journey, how has your perspective on the essence of family evolved?
Not too dramatically. Max impacted me more; our relationship changed me for the better. I became more peaceful. Before, I never had a healthy relationship, not once in my life. When you lack that experience, you need to comprehend what normal is. You constantly feel something is wrong with you and work on fixing yourself when the issue isn't you at all.
Max showed me what a healthy relationship looks like - respectful, loving, supportive. Children should be brought into that kind of partnership, not when things are strained or troubled. Here, you truly feel like you have everything - experience, money, and an amazing partner to raise another global citizen who is sane and well-adjusted.
"I was heavily into TRIZ (Theory of Inventive Problem Solving) at the time. I held sessions for entrepreneurs to play games applying TRIZ to solve their business problems. Gathering entrepreneurs together, one would present an issue, and then we'd collectively try to solve it using TRIZ. This method shifted my thinking; you start to see possibilities creatively in every situation - not just one, but multiple".
Lyaila Uzakova,
CELA'14, Kazakhstan
CELA'14, Kazakhstan
Taking a step back to before you turned 28, when juggling multiple jobs, what were the pivotal moments from that phase that truly shaped the person you've become today?
I realized any work is rewarding - cleaning floors, washing dishes, it's all good. So, at 28, when I managed a law firm, my employees practically became my friends. We still keep in touch. Most importantly, I'm confident I can survive anything because I'm willing to take any job; I love working. And there are always people who will help you. There are more good people in the world, after all. I've continually encountered individuals who generously assisted me for no reason. That makes you want to help others, too, sometimes.
At Grata, the largest law firm in Central Asia, what responsibilities and contributions defined your role? Can you shed some light on your experiences there?
Grata was seeking people who could transform the firm. I was heavily into TRIZ (Theory of Inventive Problem Solving) then. I held sessions for entrepreneurs to play games applying TRIZ to solve their business problems. Gathering entrepreneurs together, one would present an issue, and then we'd collectively try to solve it using TRIZ. This method shifted my thinking; you start to see possibilities creatively in every situation - not just one, but multiple. You immediately rank the options based on the required resources - the simpler and more accessible the resources, the better. When a system transforms itself - that's pivotal. I applied brimming with enthusiasm. At the interview, I started explaining how I could approach problem-solving creatively. They brought me on to lead a team on transforming operations. There was no structure or system initially. As a systematic person myself, in one month without doing any legal work, I quickly improved the department's efficiency by organizing the working process. The managing partner then promoted me to oversee internal operations - HR, marketing, finance, IT, etc. I spent nine years as a managing partner, bringing order to the house.
What motivated your decision to leave Grata?
I wanted to try doing things my way. Starting out, the firm was very flexible, but then the structure became overly rigid. That's natural as a firm grows - like when an empire expands, problems mushroom and the structure becomes more vertical. Despite being the system's architect, it still wasn't my choice to build this pyramid. I prefer constructing an agile system.
I realized any work is rewarding - cleaning floors, washing dishes, it's all good. So, at 28, when I managed a law firm, my employees practically became my friends. We still keep in touch. Most importantly, I'm confident I can survive anything because I'm willing to take any job; I love working. And there are always people who will help you. There are more good people in the world, after all. I've continually encountered individuals who generously assisted me for no reason. That makes you want to help others, too, sometimes.
At Grata, the largest law firm in Central Asia, what responsibilities and contributions defined your role? Can you shed some light on your experiences there?
Grata was seeking people who could transform the firm. I was heavily into TRIZ (Theory of Inventive Problem Solving) then. I held sessions for entrepreneurs to play games applying TRIZ to solve their business problems. Gathering entrepreneurs together, one would present an issue, and then we'd collectively try to solve it using TRIZ. This method shifted my thinking; you start to see possibilities creatively in every situation - not just one, but multiple. You immediately rank the options based on the required resources - the simpler and more accessible the resources, the better. When a system transforms itself - that's pivotal. I applied brimming with enthusiasm. At the interview, I started explaining how I could approach problem-solving creatively. They brought me on to lead a team on transforming operations. There was no structure or system initially. As a systematic person myself, in one month without doing any legal work, I quickly improved the department's efficiency by organizing the working process. The managing partner then promoted me to oversee internal operations - HR, marketing, finance, IT, etc. I spent nine years as a managing partner, bringing order to the house.
What motivated your decision to leave Grata?
I wanted to try doing things my way. Starting out, the firm was very flexible, but then the structure became overly rigid. That's natural as a firm grows - like when an empire expands, problems mushroom and the structure becomes more vertical. Despite being the system's architect, it still wasn't my choice to build this pyramid. I prefer constructing an agile system.
You made a shift from the legal world to teaching. Can you share the story behind that transition and your aspirations in making that change?
It may sound strange and unoriginal, but helping people motivated me. Upon leaving, I reflected on what skills I had. I did a self-SWOT analysis, cataloging everything in my repertoire, then created a course and started teaching at a university. I wanted to test my abilities - would people find this exciting and valuable to gauge market demand and gain clientele?
Having developed numerous entrepreneurship courses, can you share a story about how your teachings profoundly influenced an individual's business journey or personal life?
For two years, every Thursday, I held a mastermind session group in Astana. We would share a question, and everyone would answer it - 15 people, 15 perspectives per question. People told me how tremendously those sessions helped them, generating immense improvements in their businesses.
There are also entrepreneurs I taught who make different products - they expanded a lot by getting them to automate and optimize their processes.
It may sound strange and unoriginal, but helping people motivated me. Upon leaving, I reflected on what skills I had. I did a self-SWOT analysis, cataloging everything in my repertoire, then created a course and started teaching at a university. I wanted to test my abilities - would people find this exciting and valuable to gauge market demand and gain clientele?
Having developed numerous entrepreneurship courses, can you share a story about how your teachings profoundly influenced an individual's business journey or personal life?
For two years, every Thursday, I held a mastermind session group in Astana. We would share a question, and everyone would answer it - 15 people, 15 perspectives per question. People told me how tremendously those sessions helped them, generating immense improvements in their businesses.
There are also entrepreneurs I taught who make different products - they expanded a lot by getting them to automate and optimize their processes.
"Humans always want to know the future somehow, predict it. We’re on the cusp of such changes with AI development that synthesizes information. Imagine if there were devices that could assist us to escape petty concerns and venture to explore space, plumb the oceans' depths, and access parallel worlds".
Lyaila Uzakova,
CELA'14, Kazakhstan
CELA'14, Kazakhstan
Shifting gears, your passion for art history seems distinct from your professional pursuits. Can we delve into that contrast and explore what draws you to these areas?
It's a great hobby to avoid burning out. If you only ever do one thing, you'll slowly lose your mind. So, for me, it's jumping into another area, absorbing different information, and gaining indirect insights to understand myself better. Ultimately, you can extrapolate most global historical patterns into business anyway.
My mastermind group evolved into a class where I teach art history. We're currently in Rome. For example, the Romans always commemorated victories by building triumphal arches. My students say hey, that's a great idea; we should do that in business, too.
Where did your interest originate?
It's been there since childhood - I always dreamed of becoming an archaeologist. These days, time is usually wasted idly - binge-watching dumb shows and scrolling social media, whereas I want to spend time in a valuable and exciting way.
Besides, as I said earlier, Max and I have our nightly sharing tradition - we need facts to discuss. See, I knocked out several birds with one stone!
By 45, you've accomplished so much. As you look ahead, what's on the horizon for you? How do you envision your legacy regarding how you'd like to be remembered and what you'd like to pass on to your children?
I'm keen to keep exploring the world - that will be endless. What's happening globally now is tremendously exciting - artificial intelligence development. What comes next? How will we as a society change? Can we make communities more creative?
I desire community - people thinking beyond themselves about the city and the future. How can we make this a better place to live later on? My kids will grow up here. What will we be breathing? Will we have water? Will we survive earthquakes? I can't solve those issues alone. Only collectively with others. The good news is that powerful tools now exist to help us unite and act.
As someone who has journeyed through diverse experiences, what guidance would you offer to individuals trying to find their life path?
Don't withdraw into yourself. Nowadays, the search for meaning often involves excessive self-focus. Of course, knowing yourself is necessary, but we are social creatures. To avoid stagnating, you must stay open. Despite being quite introverted, I need community and to engage with people to grow. And you shouldn't fear the world. It is open. It is not hostile. I'm convinced of that. The difficulties we face are problems humans can overcome together. So, find your path in communities and keep an open mind.
Given all your diverse experiences, if you could travel back, what would you tell your 20-year-old self?
There are always new possibilities in any situation at any age. Always. Whether you are 80 or 90, you can always start over and reach some goal.
Finally, if your life was to be encapsulated in a work of art or historical artifact related to your interests, what would it be and why?
The Antikythera Mechanism. It was featured in the latest Indiana Jones film. It was discovered in the Aegean Sea. This bronze artifact had various gears and was an early analog computer when assembled. It could calculate the motions of celestial bodies and predict dates for 42 astronomical events.
Its ingenuity astonishes me - when I discuss ancient history, people think that era was primitive, with almost caveman-like humans. The notion of such an advanced society that far back, at least the Bronze Age, is unimagined. It was a bronze mechanism because things seemed gentler before the Iron Age, with more horizontal structures enabling cooperation. Thanks to that organization, they could construct tools to predict and control situations that were challenging to foresee back then.
Humans always want to know the future somehow, predict it. We're on the cusp of such changes with AI development that synthesizes information. Imagine if there were devices that could assist us to escape petty concerns and venture to explore space, plumb the oceans' depths, and access parallel worlds. It requires a mental and technical breakthrough. So, for me, the Antikythera Mechanism is like going back to the future - that past ingenuity is something I hope can also exist in the days ahead.
It's a great hobby to avoid burning out. If you only ever do one thing, you'll slowly lose your mind. So, for me, it's jumping into another area, absorbing different information, and gaining indirect insights to understand myself better. Ultimately, you can extrapolate most global historical patterns into business anyway.
My mastermind group evolved into a class where I teach art history. We're currently in Rome. For example, the Romans always commemorated victories by building triumphal arches. My students say hey, that's a great idea; we should do that in business, too.
Where did your interest originate?
It's been there since childhood - I always dreamed of becoming an archaeologist. These days, time is usually wasted idly - binge-watching dumb shows and scrolling social media, whereas I want to spend time in a valuable and exciting way.
Besides, as I said earlier, Max and I have our nightly sharing tradition - we need facts to discuss. See, I knocked out several birds with one stone!
By 45, you've accomplished so much. As you look ahead, what's on the horizon for you? How do you envision your legacy regarding how you'd like to be remembered and what you'd like to pass on to your children?
I'm keen to keep exploring the world - that will be endless. What's happening globally now is tremendously exciting - artificial intelligence development. What comes next? How will we as a society change? Can we make communities more creative?
I desire community - people thinking beyond themselves about the city and the future. How can we make this a better place to live later on? My kids will grow up here. What will we be breathing? Will we have water? Will we survive earthquakes? I can't solve those issues alone. Only collectively with others. The good news is that powerful tools now exist to help us unite and act.
As someone who has journeyed through diverse experiences, what guidance would you offer to individuals trying to find their life path?
Don't withdraw into yourself. Nowadays, the search for meaning often involves excessive self-focus. Of course, knowing yourself is necessary, but we are social creatures. To avoid stagnating, you must stay open. Despite being quite introverted, I need community and to engage with people to grow. And you shouldn't fear the world. It is open. It is not hostile. I'm convinced of that. The difficulties we face are problems humans can overcome together. So, find your path in communities and keep an open mind.
Given all your diverse experiences, if you could travel back, what would you tell your 20-year-old self?
There are always new possibilities in any situation at any age. Always. Whether you are 80 or 90, you can always start over and reach some goal.
Finally, if your life was to be encapsulated in a work of art or historical artifact related to your interests, what would it be and why?
The Antikythera Mechanism. It was featured in the latest Indiana Jones film. It was discovered in the Aegean Sea. This bronze artifact had various gears and was an early analog computer when assembled. It could calculate the motions of celestial bodies and predict dates for 42 astronomical events.
Its ingenuity astonishes me - when I discuss ancient history, people think that era was primitive, with almost caveman-like humans. The notion of such an advanced society that far back, at least the Bronze Age, is unimagined. It was a bronze mechanism because things seemed gentler before the Iron Age, with more horizontal structures enabling cooperation. Thanks to that organization, they could construct tools to predict and control situations that were challenging to foresee back then.
Humans always want to know the future somehow, predict it. We're on the cusp of such changes with AI development that synthesizes information. Imagine if there were devices that could assist us to escape petty concerns and venture to explore space, plumb the oceans' depths, and access parallel worlds. It requires a mental and technical breakthrough. So, for me, the Antikythera Mechanism is like going back to the future - that past ingenuity is something I hope can also exist in the days ahead.